If your wife has been receiving emotional support from her ex, you can use this opportunity to ask how you can provide that support instead. We both decided that we should not be in touch with our ex, but recently I come to know that my wife is talking to her ex, it is also tough time going on for my wife as her mother recently expired but she has invited her ex for prayer meeting as well, we never disclosed our ex names with each other but I know she is talking to her ex, I don’t how to react now. The ex guy can get her back, but it all depends on how he approaches interactions with her (i.e. American Psychological Association: Are Internet Affairs Different. She may be waiting for you to be man enough to put a stop to it. "it is also tough time going on for my wife as her mother recently expired". Hc881092 wrote: The thing that I find most suprising is that if I was to do anything remotely similar to what she did i would be out on the curb. ", Karmin suggests minimizing the judgmental or confrontational nature of this type of conversation by journaling your thoughts beforehand. ", After asking your wife about her behavior, give her the time and opportunity to give you an answer without interruption. If you are feeling uncomfortable about the interaction, talk to your wife and explain your uncomfortableness. If your wife and her ex work or go to school together, she may also have to remain in contact with him to fulfill her professional or educational obligations. Dear John: A few days ago I was walking by my wife’s phone when it pinged and I saw it was “Doug,” her ex-husband from 20 years ago. You need to go there to keep an eye out for any interaction. I have been in my second marriage for 2 months now and found out today that my wife has been talking to an ex-boyfriend of hers. We learn from our experiences and sometimes it’s okay to share how we learned life’s lesson. Anythings possible. In the "Psych Central" article "Tips for Talking About Tough Topics," Aaron Karmin, a licensed clinical professional counselor, suggests eliminating distractions when discussing uncomfortable issues by setting aside a time to talk to your wife. Listen as a man, you need to set boundaries AND CONSEQUENCES. So you may be lucky. This was about three weeks ago. If they remained friends over the years and are just having casual conversation then there is nothing wrong with it. He has served as a writer and lead video editor for a small, South Louisiana-based video production company since 2007. Included in those searches were some previous boyfriends, including one guy that she was almost engaged to. When he travels through her city he will stay at her place, on her couch and takes her out for dinner. I would be very suspicious that she’s cheating. By oceandad, 11 years ago on Being Married. I noticed that my wife was searching for old friends from high school and college online (Google, social media, etc). Using phrases such as "I feel" and "I think" can take the edge off an otherwise harsh statement. She insists that they are just friends, and that during the majority of their 24 year marriage, he treated her more like a big brother than a husband. she told me that when she was going to get devorced from her previous husband she started sleeping with her ex boss, she claims that they are just good friends and she swares that there is nothing more to it than that . Karmin also suggests using "I" statements when talking to your wife. We are older so their are NO kids involved. If they share custody of a child, staying in contact with one another is a vital component of co-parenting, including discussing their child's academic performance, scheduling vacations and figuring out logistics for birthdays, holidays and other important events in their child's life. That would depend on why they are talking and what they are discussing. Although it is easy to assume that affairs are limited to the bedroom, emotional affairs developed though texting or Internet messages can be just as damaging to a marriage as physical infidelity. She wasn't happy, and was lonely for a long time. "The one who is most willing to walk away from the relationship, is the one who controls the relationship.". My wife has started talking to her ex. My wife replied: “Another night with John.” I was totally shocked – John was her ex-boyfriend who she lost her virginity with. Journaling can provide you the opportunity to put your thoughts onto paper before approaching your wife. You might consider asking your wife, "I didn't realize that I had neglected you so much. My wife said the same things your did she swore on her mother's life , she said she would never have hooked up , she said it was just talking and was not like cheating. The conversations had been going on for a year including messaging and talking on the phone. over the 6 years we have been together. I'm not sure why or how they "re-connected" but … However, one of my friends has decided to rail on my ex constantly talking about how awful he was, etc. When I found out my ex-wife was still in love with her ex-boyfriend it was a total surprise to me. So when you see her still obsessively checking out her ex’s social media, ask her to stop it. The Relationship Learning Center: When Should a Couple Go to Marriage or Relationship Counseling? I had no idea. I can’t control myself and when should I talk to her ? You’re not trying to be emotionally manipulative or go behind her back; you just want to build a healthy marriage. I spoke to her and she apologised and agreed she done wrong, but now I don’t feel to talk to her and I hardly spoken to her after explaining the situation. I will admit, that I will never talk to one of my ex's as long as live. her ex husband has constantly been a problem. She has a son from an old boyfriend. I'm dating a gentleman that was married to his ex wife 11 years. While you can discuss your concerns with her, ultimately you cannot make her change her behavior. When we were still dating, my wife asked if I minded if she and her ex hung out. Back to my story… At the time, I just didn’t know the signs. However, My fiancee was the one that requested the divorce. He talks to her several times a week, not sure who initiates the calls. she broke up with him said it was over and promised me I wouldn't have to deal with it any more. I can see that to an extent when I've been with them. or "I'd like to talk, can we set aside some time after dinner?" My wife has been texting an ex EXTENSIVELY lately. My friends have been the best. is talking to an ex just as frequently or more frequently than they talk to you. my problem is my new girlfriend communicates with her now ex husband, all day every day, phonecalls, text messages, he comes to her house before his shifts and after his shifts. How well did the ex get on with her mother? You want to talk to your wife, but you can’t. Talking About Her Ex Is A Part Of The Conversation. My wife has started talking to her ex. There may be other legitimate reasons for them to stay in contact that you should take into consideration before confronting her about the situation. I feel like a fool because this isn't the first time she's done this early in our relationship I caught her talking to an ex who she was pregnant with his child at one time. I asked her about the searches and she treated it like it was nothing serious. I want to work on our relationship though. Somehow, the prospect of her ex always drift into your conversation with her which in the end makes things weird. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. JavaScript is disabled. They may be there for you too… Soon, I’ll show you how to spot them. While the presence of an affair, intimate or emotional alike, does not necessarily spell the end of your marriage, both you and your wife must be on board to make the positive changes needed to work on your relationship. Copyright © 2021 Leaf Group Ltd., all rights reserved. Gal Time: 7 Signs You Might Need Marriage Counseling. If she agreed no contact, Never place anyone on a pedestal it hurts more when they fall off, I am going to prayer meeting but was not sure when to talk to her as she is already in pain and she is crying almost every 30 mins to remember her mother, I will talk to her today let’s see her priority. Generally when you break up with someone, you stop hanging out with his or her family. I feel uncomfortable so I’ll just pretend I didn’t see my ex today and avoid him/her at all cost. "Look, honey, I'm really tired of you talking to your ex boyfriend. I am worried that she is having an affair with him, How should i approach her with my … Not if the ex boyfriend is still in the picture on any level. But when she meets her old friends *who her ex boyfriend is still friends with*, does she ask about her ex within the first minute or two after meeting them? Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, http://mygeneralblog1.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/be-afraid-uk-based-cheaters.html, VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 901, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. Replied by Betrayed Wife on topic Caught my wife talking to her ex. She going to sleep over to his place for few days and after come to me and somethime going on hollidays with him e.t.c but I am happy when my wife is happy and we like it!
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